Sharing beliefs with others
Sharing or discussing your beliefs with others, avoiding annoyance, while adding interest & benefits to your lives
- How ANYONE can respond to ANY question/challenge/critic, and with CONFIDENCE
When someone first challenges you with a tough question or criticism –
use the SIMPLE TACTICS:
- What do you mean by that?
- Takes pressure off you – knocks the ball back in their court, makes them pause to consider their claim
- Gathering Info – so you know specifically what you need to respond to
- Listening – shows you care & respect them; very important; even summarize what they expressed
- Why do you believe that?
- Super important – again knocks ball back in their court, when someone makes a claim, it’s their burden to back it up & most often the person realizes how weakly supported their claim is
1.3 Have you considered . . .
- Stick an “itch in their brain” – most won’t listen too long, so stick one great truth in their head, which they can’t get out of their head without dealing with the reality of God (my website will provide a bunch)
- Expose the weakness of their main point or support – make them stay on topic, when many see how weak their belief is, they jump to another point
If you have no idea of an answer yet:
- “I don’t know, interesting discussion, I will get back to you on that.” Or any version of it: “Not sure as I haven’t looked into this lately, interesting question, I’ll get back with you.”
- Shows you are honest, take it seriously, handled it well, and gives you time to go to the best resources and come back with a simple, ready answer (how to do this is given next)
While most of the three questions can be used by anyone, the last part, “I’ll get back with you”, is only comprehensively useful for a Christian. The reason is simply because all different belief systems contradict each other on the most foundational answers, therefore, by the law of noncontradiction (LNC), only one belief system can be accurate wherever there is contradictions, and reality and the trend of evidence inherently will lift only one belief system to a level of evidential support none of the others can reach, and this is what we see with Christianity compared to any other belief system.
Because of this, only can an informed Christian count on continuing to seek and finding answers to any question or challenge, while believers of other belief systems will inevitably find foundational failures and inability to support their belief beyond any other.
Saw a politician use these three questions with a journalist, it was effective and hilarious.
- Coming back with ANSWERS
How to get an ANSWER, even when you have no clue how to answer:
- End discussion with: “I don’t have an answer now, but this is an interesting talk (challenge, point, idea), I’ll get back with you.”
- Write out or remember the main point to address(or points),
- Decide what are the best sources you will use for answers See “Useful Resources” section below, and over time have 3 or 4 resources you find most useful to go to when questions come up.
- Gather information: skim the sources to answer the question you said you’ll get back to & whatever support you think you may need.
- Start your own BRIEF ANSWERS resource: copy and paste the answers you find & the sources (web links or books), so you will have your own set of brief & solid answers to common questions or challenges you may hear, run into in emails, social media, friends, etc. (examples you can start with are given in “Interesting Question BRIEFS” at the end of this document, and the entire FAQs section of the FaithFactCheck.org website).
- Sign up to receive “Food for Thought-Eaters” emails, which will be sent out each week, giving you a new common question/challenge & a mind-catching answer each week.
- PRE-CONVERSATION REMINDERS:
- Pray to God FOR THE PERSON and for help in the discussion
- Act like Jesus TOWARD THE PERSON
- Handle upfront issues WITH THE PERSON
- If you or they are too emotional: Listen and show care, but don’t engage until you or they can handle the discussion.
- Unable to have rational discussion: ask why so angry, I only do bring this up because I care about you? I’m not up for a lecture, or someone who can’t handle disagreement, but I am always available whenever you want a good discussion, or if I can help in any way your journey with God.
- If the biblical God were proven to you, would you accept and follow Jesus? If they say no, then point out they have an emotional or volitional (willful) problem with God, not a reasonable belief against God.
- Please, please DO NOT DO this
These seem like common sense, but most people, Christians and non-Christians, almost always demonstrate some of the ugly and harmful tendencies below.
If you do any of these, okay it happens, but simply be real about it, own it, say sorry, then move on. People respect and forgive common mistakes when you admit it and move on.
For example, “Whoa, I just realized I was getting too emotional, sorry about that, not to be sappy, but I do care about you so this is important, but I will check myself.” Or, “Haha, just caught myself being like one of those overly-sensitive teacups, who can’t have a challenging conversation without getting sensitive, my bad.”
Honestly, once you get on top of the evidence surrounding beliefs, you will realize reality can’t help but support your beliefs, and you will not have the lack of confidence, which is what leads to most foolish and weak behavior.
Please, please do not do these:
- Discuss beliefs with the wrong motivation: wanting to show off what you know, wanting to shame someone for what they don’t know, thinking you have to earn things by doing good (God saved you by grace, you don’t “earn” anything, and expects your motivation toward others to be because you grow in God’s love for them and want them to have the best that you have)
- Mostly talking, little listening: shows you don’t really care about them enough to really hear them, and/or are just like to hear yourself too much
- Trying to win argument – not the person: again, what is your goal, winning the argument is worse than worthless if you don’t truly help the person in their relationship with God
- Behave like most people, who are conversation incompetent: this involves behaving/speaking negatively to the “other side,” ungracious, aggressive, defensive, and other weak thinking and emotionally fragile people who are incapable of intelligent, useful discussions about topics that challenge them. Especially, if you accept the Bible, then follow it: 1 Peter 3:15 “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect”
- Foolish approach: “Hi, my name is Scott, you are a sinner, you need Jesus!” If you think this is a good way to start a conversation with someone you care about, you need to step your game up before interacting with anyone.
- Acting like you know, when you don’t: Of course there is pressure to provide answers when someone is asking about something so impactful as beliefs, but making stuff up or using weakly supported evidence is much worse than saying nothing. First, it’s dishonest, and why should they trust a dishonest, hypocritical person. Second, the truth will come out, and when it does you will make yourself, and the Bible you are trying to support, look inaccurate. Finally, the truth is one your side, which means the answers are too, and we have an easy way to answer productively – even when you no nothing about the topic – see “Simple Tactics” in the first section.
- Give impression of starting a close friendship, when that is not a goal: being friendly and giving your time to spend with another is a great gift to share with anyone, however, make sure your motivations are clear.
Confusion in this area is natural, have you ever witnessed or experienced a situation where a woman or man is being nice to another, and the other person gets the impression the guy or girl is interested in a relationship? Natural stuff. This can be tricky and judgment calls are required. Again, if you mess up a judgement call, just admit it, apologize for any confusion, and move on. But avoid giving the impression you want to develop a lasting friendship, if you aren’t looking to add more friends and your only goal is to encourage and benefit the person in their relationship with God.
Many more: you will know them when you see them as common sense and your conscience will let you know they are ugly
- Useful Resources
This list of resources I have found accurate, reliable and useful when I want to start putting an answer together, as all these sources provide articles, audio, video files, etc. However, as you try these and maybe others that are out there, you will be able to figure for yourself which few sources work best for you.
If you want full coverage of issues regarding beliefs, from “Why should we care?” to “How can we know which belief fits reality, and which ones do not?” and all the evidence surrounding the answers, including comparisons with other belief systems, and answers to interesting questions, lingering questions, and things we just need or want to know.
Based on my background in physics and teaching, and our team’s background in psychology and effective instruction, our site is meant to provide the highest-level information in a simple to use way, which anyone can use and learn from. Our website is new, and continues to fill up with audio, video, handouts and other material.
4.2 reasons.org
If you want top-rate science from those who have, or are, working in high-level research at private companies or universities, and also provide a wide variety of resource
Short youtube videos with thoughtful responses to theological issues and content against Christianity, especially in the media
Very quick and practical answers to a wide variety of the tough questions, clear and thorough
Highest and deepest level philosophy, thought, and answers on a wide range of topics
Parent-focussed resources to train your kids
A cold-case detective featured on dateline more than any other such detective, provides excellent info for a variety of topics, especially strong on the resurrection
4.8. crossexamined.org
Excellent audio, tv resources from a guy with a quick wit
4.9 embracethetruth.org
Excellent speaker from a lawyer’s perspective covering the range of topics
4.10 Inspiring Philosophy
Youtube channel with videos covering a range of questions regarding Christianity.
- Easy Approaches to start Hard Conversations
Every Thanksgiving you hear the joke about not talking sports, politics or religion, or you may have observed the ugly consequences when some family members try and are incapable of carrying out such a discussion without making fools of themselves.
Sure, caring and emotion are great, but to be unable to carry out challenging conversations is a debilitating weakness in many people. Most people have developed too thin skin, too thick a need for comfort, too frail understanding of the big questions in life, or too strong defense mechanisms against anything they don’t want to accept, making discussing the real interesting and important topics, such as beliefs, uncommon as it brings people out of their restrictive, yet all-too-important- comfort zone.
Therefore, you have to approach discussion of beliefs with care, people in our culture can get very sensitive and the last thing they want is someone forcing beliefs on them, or preaching to them. However, beliefs cover such a range of interesting and important topics, there are many ways to bring up talks about belief naturally, and in ways that benefit the one you are sharing with.
- Live a life showing the difference Jesus makes
If people see no difference, or, unfair as it may be as we are all still people, see any bad behavior, then it can make them stay away from considering seeking what Christ can add to their life, and should make you even question yourself.
If you actually have a relationship with Jesus, of course it should make an observable difference in your life, and there are endless and continuously growing examples of people seeing the difference having a relationship with God makes in the life of people they know – and want some of that – so they will often start the conversation by asking you something concerning beliefs. I think this is the best way to show Christ’s impact to others, and to open up conversations with others.
- Whenever catching-up with someone
When you ask, “What’s new?”, or “How have you been?” or any version of that greeting, typically the question comes back to you.
If you subscribe to the website and get weekly information sheets or articles on interesting topics surrounding beliefs, then if you are skimming the articles for information to add to your collection of “Interesting Question BRIEFS”, then this is something you can share. For example, you can say, “I get this weekly ‘food for thought-eaters’ blog,” and it got me thinking . . . What do you think about . . .?”
Other options include anything you are currently involved in, which the other person will recognize as directly related to beliefs or God. Went to church the other day, doing a Bible study, had a long talk with someone at church. Knowing you are serious about your beliefs will let the other person know there is an open door to discuss these issues with you.
You can specifically use “homework” provided by my website. You can say, “I came across something interesting online” or, “I have been involved in a new study that has been interesting” or, “I never thought I’d have homework again, but . . . ” Then briefly share something interesting from the website, such as, “What do you know about the Big Bang? Did you know the current science understanding about how the universe began?” Or, “I have to look over evidence from a cold case detective to determine if Jesus was a liar, lunatic, legend of the Lord.”
Or, here is one that can be used anytime:
- I Got Homework
Tell the person you saw one of our presentations online, or in person, or you just read this article, and then say, “the speaker (or article writer) asked us to gather questions people have, so they can list them on the website. Have a follow-up too” Next, ask them one of the ones below:
- If you could ask God one question, what would it be? . . . How do you think He would answer?
- If you had one question you could ask a Christian, what would it be
- What is the key to human happiness? . . . How did you come to that answer? . . . Where should people look for an answer to this question? Why?
Finally, answer the question if you want, or direct them to the answers on my website, or just thank them for sharing their thoughts, and tell them you want to think on it to and will get back to them.
If the person is open to pursuing the topic, it will happen, either then, or maybe later as the person now knows you are open to share in this important area.
- My child (or friend, or person in movie, etc.) experienced “X” … I responded by saying “Y”, What would you say & why?
For example: after watching some movie about the supernatural, you can discuss with a friend, maybe ask: “Do you believe in an after-life or the supernatural? . . . How did you come to that belief? . . . Have you considered . . .” Can add whatever you want here, for example, “Did you know science already has proven the supernatural exists as the cause of the universe itself is supernatural and personal!” (see The Caused Evidence in the website)
Example: Lex Luther asked Superman about the problem of pain/evil in the world. How would you have responded if your child asked for an answer, as I am wanting to be ready if mine asks me? Here is what I planned to say . . .
- To someone you are already close with: I care about you, so . . .
Those who already know you well enough to know you care for them, and are worthy of trust, you can just approach with straightforward and genuine care.
Either when a good time comes up, or you could simply let the person know there is something serious, nothing bad, that you want to talk about and hear their thoughts on.
Next, you can start by saying, “This isn’t something we typically talk about, but you know where I stand as far as my beliefs, and I hope you know you mean a lot to me, and I want only the best for you, which is why it’s needed for me to check-in where you stand as far as God is concerned? And, are there any questions I could answer, or discussion we can have that I may be a benefit to you, as I don’t want you to not have the most important thing in life I have.” How you say doesn’t matter as much as the main points of (a) you wanting to discuss beliefs because you care for them, and (b) you are always available if any questions come up or if they just want to talk.
- Miscellaneous questions
Enter “Ten Easy Ways to Start Meaningful Dialogue” in a web search for an article which covers some basic ways to start a talk about important issues.
- Ask a question
Examples: “What do you think about … ?” Questions that really get to the subject, “What do you think happens when we die?” or, “Do you believe in life after death?” or, “What do you think about the afterlife?”
- Show interest & get to know people better as maybe you will be surprised by what they think: “Can I ask your opinion about something?” “What do you think about … ?” “What do you mean by … ?”
- Ask for help: “There’ something on my mind. Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
- Express amazement: “Did you hear about … ?!”
- Talk about current events
The common obsession with news to initiate a conversation on meaningful topics. Government decisions, natural disasters, human rights violations, war, elections, foreign relations, cultural events, business mergers, and even sporting events all could be points of access to conversations that touch on values, ethics, or religion.
- News or magazine articles
Whether we like it or not, most public discourse happens in short articles surrounded by large photographs, images, or graphics of some kind. Use a recent article to express concern about something. Or ask someone sitting nearby what they think about a recent turn of events. Ask, “Did you see the photo of the terrorist bombing in Time today? Why do you think this keeps happening?” or “Have you read Anne Quindlen’s article in Newsweek on abortion? What did you think of it
- Discuss current movies or TV programs
Most of our friends feel like they’re on safe ground discussing movies or last night’s prime-time special. This makes the latest movie a great opportunity to discuss issues, especially if it is a drama people are taking seriously already. Ask, “Did you see this movie? Did you like it?” Then, listen closely to their response. When it’s your turn to share your opinion, offer a question or observation about a fundamental issue raised or a point of view advanced by the film, and then toss the ball back to the other person for their response.
Start Your Own Quick Answer BRIEFS
Below is an example of two frequently asked questions/challenges, and below that is an explanation of how to make headings, which make it easy to click in the “Navigation pane” on the left side and go right to the exact question you want.
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Don’t Christians have to believe just by “faith.”
Very Brief Answer:
Ask: What do you mean by “faith”? Because you seem to have a misunderstanding of what Christians mean by “faith.”
Answer 2:
People today often think faith is some fuzzy, non-checkable thing.
However, faith has 3 parts:
- Object we have faith in (e.g., A chair),
- What we believe about it (the chair will hold me up),
- Reasons for our faith (looks sturdy, I hardly ever get dropped by a chair, and I don’t see any practical joke TV cameras around).
Faith is simply trusting in something for reasons, and we do this in science and in daily life, we just follow the evidence where it leads. This is the type of faith mentioned in the Bible, as it better translates as “trust,” and God always provided reasons to base the trust upon.
Answer 3:
Ask: “Have you considered …” and provide any of the evidences available from science, history, philosophy, daily life, etc., to expose the “blind faith” idea as an inaccurate understanding.
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I don’t think “truth” exists
Examples of people’s (often in universities) claims against truth:
- There is no truth
- You can’t know truth
- All truth is relative
- It’s all just opinions
- No one has the truth
- It’s true for you, but not for me
- You ought not judge, or be intolerant
- Whatever, I’ll do what I want
Very Brief Answer:
Is your objection to truth true?
Answer 2:
Objections to truth self-destruct, or are simply overwhelmed by reality. Therefore, an easy way to expose the claim against truth is to APPLY THE CLAIM TO ITSELF:
- There is no truth . . . Is THAT true?
- You can’t know truth . . . How do you then KNOW that is truth?
- All truth is relative . . . Is that absolutely true, or just a RELATIVE truth?
- It’s all just opinions . . . Is that just your OPINION, or is that truth?
- No one has the truth . . . But one, YOU, claim to have the truth?
- It’s true for you, but not for me . . . Is that true for EVERYBODY, including you and me?
- You ought not judge, or be intolerant . . . Isn’t that a judgmental statement and intolerant of those who do show judgment?
- Whatever, I’ll do what I want . . . Cannot argue that, you can do what you want, and you will slam against the hard reality of ignored truth.
Answer 3:
All claims against truth fail common experience – APPLY THE CLAIM TO REAL LIFE SITUATIONS: standing before a judge when evidence for your crime is presented. Going 100 miles per hour in a 35 mph school zone, with video and field sobriety and chemical blood test evidence. Try any of the excuses shown in the image.